


It’s You

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, rated M for language and cause I’m a wimp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-08 04:38:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17379707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: It’s been a year and a half since their five year mission ended. And Jim and Spock haven’t spoken since a disastrous encounter their last night on board the Enterprise. Now Jim’s preparing to head back into space and Spock comes to say what he should have a long time ago.





	1. Chapter 1

Jim looked around the apartment he had been living in for the past few months. He let a breath out through his teeth as he brought his hands through his hair. He had been stuck on Earth doing paperwork for little more than a year and all he wanted was to get back on a Starship where he belonged, but now that it was time for him to pack he almost didn’t want to go. He had already moved the things he knew he couldn’t take with him into a storage unit.

Now he took a look at the bare bones of his apartment, his scattered belongings. Is this what his life was? Some casual clothes, his uniforms, a couple of medals, a holopadd of pictures, and a book. Jim picked up the book, sitting back onto his bed. He left most of his physical books in his storage unit, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave this one behind. _Xeno-Botany: Flowers Among the Stars._ The book itself was filled with tabs and scraps of paper, adding details and memories to the descriptions and drawings in the book. It was the first note that was Jim’s favorite, tucked right behind the cover. Jim pulled out the paper, a sad smile on his face as he read through it for what must have been the thousandth time.

”Dear Jim,

On my last required shore leave, Lieutenant Uhura pulled me along with her to a store that specialized in the sale of physical copies of books. I believe datapadds to be a more logical choice, but I am aware of the human sentimentality towards objects of this nature. It is because of this that Lieutenant Uhura managed to persuade me to purchase this for you. I have added notes to certain chapters in order to add to the educational value of the book. I hope you find it enlightening. Happy Birthday Jim.”

He didn’t sign his name, but he didn’t need to. It was written in every word, every inch of the excuse. He bought the book to help enlighten his Captain. Not out of any affection. Not to commemorate their final year of that five year mission. The notes where Spock just reminisced about the plants they had seen, the memories they shared, those meant to educate.

Jim let a breath through his nose, a sort of small laugh. Spock was always full of bullshit. This book was proof of it. It was just one big book of proof that Spock did have emotions, no matter how he tried to disguise them as logic. He did care about Jim. Even if it wasn’t in the way Jim wanted.

Jim glanced at the computer screen on the wall. He bit his lip, thinking that maybe he should call Spock. It had been over a year since their disastrous last encounter. Maybe Spock was ready to forgive him. Jim shook his head, forcing his eyes away from the computer. If Spock wanted to see him he would. Besides Jim had already apologized enough.

There was a buzz that indicated someone was at his door. Jim let out a groan, wondering who that could be. He walked through the apartment, putting the book down on a table by the door. He glanced at the screen on the wall to see who it was. His heart stopped beating. How could just the sight of Spock do that to him even after a year. Although maybe that was part of it. He saw Spock every day for five years and for the last three, every day he saw him, Jim felt his heart clench, but never was it like this. This was like a punch to the gut.

”Jim?” Spock’s voice came through the speaker. “I saw you through the window. I understand you may be busy. Tell me if you’d like me to go.”

”No!” Jim exclaimed, scrambling for the button to open the door. The door opened and there was Spock, dressed in the black uniform of a professor at Starfleet Academy. “Spock.” Jim breathed, trying to compose himself, despite his aching heart.

Spock stepped into the apartment, his eyes sweeping over the room, and finally landing on the book. He reached out and picked up the book. “I bought this for you.” He said.

Jim rubbed the back of his neck, trying to avoid looking at Spock. “Yeah. I was just…packing. I don’t know if you heard-“

”I heard.” Spock said. His eyes meeting Jim’s for the first time in over a year. The dull ache he hadn’t felt since their goodbyes, since he decided to try and keep Jim out of his mind, returned with a vengeance. And Spock remembered all at once why he hadn’t spoken to Jim. Flashes of their last real meeting ran through his mind and a wave of guilt came over him.

 

_Jim had come to Spock’s quarters. They were hours away from leaving the Enterprise for at least a year. Then after that there was no guarantee they’d both return to space. Spock had already taken a position at the academy._

_Jim pressed the comm button outside or Spock’s door. “Spock, it’s me.” He said, awkward and tired. It was just past three in the morning._

_”Jim. You should be asleep.” Spock said, once the door opened._

_”And I could say the same thing to you. With how fast you responded, no way you were meditating.” Jim retorted. “I just ah…had something on mind. And well, we don’t have much time left together.” Jim said, stepping into Spock’s quarters._

_“This will not be the last time we see each other Jim.” Spock said with a raised eyebrow._

_”I know, it’s just…” Jim took a deep breath._

 

Jim cleared his throat. “So you’re…staying here to teach?”

”For now.” Spock nodded, not meeting Jim’s eyes. He looked at the book, still in his hands.

After a moment of silence, Jim let out a huff. “A year and a half since you’ve talked to me. You show up, and say nothing.”

Spock looked up at Jim. “It has been 16.78 months precisely.” He said, slowly. “And you also haven’t tried to contact me since the first month.”

Jim couldn’t stop the frown that darkened his face. “Bullshit. I called you and texted you just about fifty times in that first month. I know you think I did something wrong, and I apologized for it. I apologized for it then, but I’m not apologizing again. Because you know what Spock? I’m not sorry.”

 

_”Spock I just-“ Jim took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Spock…”_

_”What is it, Jim?” Spock asked, reaching out and putting a hand on Jim’s shoulder. Even without that simple touch, he could feel the waves of anxiety coming off of Jim. “Are you alright?” Spock asked, worry coloring his face._

_”Spock.” Jim’s hand came to his arm._

_”What is the phrase McCoy uses?” Spock asked, trying to make the situation lighter. “That is my name, don’t wear it out.”_

_Jim let out a laugh, clipped, because he was so nervous, so afraid. “It’s…you. I don’t want to lose you.”_

_”You won’t, Jim.” Spock assured him, his other hand coming to rest on Jim’s other shoulder. “You are…my friend. I don’t say that lightly.”_

_Jim couldn’t bring himself to meet those eyes. Not when he knew those eyes would be so full of affection. Not when he knew that affection would disappear when he said what he needed to say. “Spock, I’m in love with you.” Jim said. Spock’s hands fell from his arms, but he couldn’t stop talking. “I have been for the past three years. And I had to tell you before we left, because I don’t think I would be able to tell you once we’re not here. And if there’s any chance you might…” Jim took a breath. “I know you say Vulcans don’t feel emotions, and hell maybe they don’t, but you do. And I know you do, because I’ve felt it and I’ve seen it.”_

_Spock didn’t know how to respond. His head was reeling. He needed to meditate._

_Jim continued rather than sit in silence. “The expressions you make, when you think I’m not looking. The emotions I feel through you when you brush my hand. And…I love that.” He wanted to reach out to him. He started to reach out to him, but he stopped, his hands falling limply to his side. “Spock, if you don’t…that’s okay. I don’t want to lose your friendship. I can’t promise I won’t love you but-“_

_”Jim, I need to meditate.” Spock interrupted._

_Jim stopped, stepping back and nodding. “Right. I’ll…see you tomorrow.” It wasn’t what he wanted, but he should’ve expected it. Spock needed time to think. He deserved that._

 

Jim looked at Spock. The man who used to be his best friend. The man he still…Jim let out a huff. “Maybe if the situation was reversed you’d have been happy to just ignore what you were feeling and never tell anyone, but I couldn’t do that Spock. I needed to tell you.” He shook his head, running his hands through his hair. “But you…I don’t get you Spock. How could you just- Nothing. For so long.” Jim was having a hard time keeping his sentences coherent. “Would you have even come see me at all if I wasn’t leaving?” He demanded.

Spock blinked, surprised at the teary eyes now turned on him, the frustration and sadness written so clearly on Jim’s face. His heart ached knowing he was the cause of his distress. Spock looked away. “I am…uncertain.” He responded.

Jim scoffed, shaking his head. He took a breath before he spoke again. “You always said…Vulcans never lied. But you did.”

Spock looked up at Jim’s face in surprise, it had gone from frustration to pure sadness. He wanted to comfort Jim, but all he could say was, “What?”

”You said I wouldn’t lose you.” Jim said, a tear finally slipping free. “You lied.”

How could Spock say what he came here to say, when he couldn’t find the words, when he could barely bring his eyes to meet Jim’s. “I’m sorry.” He wanted to reach out to Jim, but he hesitated. “You have always made me behave most illogically.” Spock tried to force humor into his voice, but his efforts fell flat. He thought back to the words Jim had used those 16.78 months ago. “It’s…you, Jim. I don’t want to lose you.”

Jim laughed humorlessly, tears still running down his cheeks. “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” This was so far away from the Jim that Spock knew. It hurt.

“Again.” Spock corrected himself. “Jim, I’ve been…afraid.” He admitted, swallowing down a lump of nerves.

”And you think I wasn’t?” Jim demanded. “I was terrified of-“

”Jim.” Spock interrupted, a spike of frustration coming over him. He strode over to Jim, grabbing his hands desperately, his voice raising almost to a shout. “I’m in love with you.” He was suddenly breathing heavily as if he had exerted all his energy in those few words. He tried to show Jim, tried to send his emotions through the contact.

Jim didn’t know how Spock expected him to react. He didn’t know how to react. But suddenly all he felt was anger. He jerked his hands out of Spock’s grasp, taking a step backwards and shaking his head. “Really?” He demanded. He tried to be strong, but his voice cracked and he knew hot tears were at the corners of his eyes.

Spock took in a steadying breath. This was supposed to make everything better. It was supposed to reconcile them. They were supposed to end up together. He looked at Jim helplessly.

Jim ran his hands through his hair. “Spock. I loved you.” He said, his voice steady despite how shattered he felt. “I still love you. I think I always will. But-“ Jim closed his eyes. “Even before I told you, I said I was scared of losing you. You said I would never lose you. I told you, and then restated how fucking scared I was of losing your friendship.” He looked up into Spock’s eyes. “And you left me. Refused to see me. Refused to answer even one of my fucking texts.” He shook his head. “I don’t think you understand just how much it fucking hurts to lose your best friend, because you made the stupid mistake of falling in love.”

Jim took a breath. “If I could have stopped myself, I would have. But that’s just a downside of being an illogical human.”

”Jim-“

”I think you should go.” Jim said. And some small part of him hoped that Spock was hurting. That vindictive part of him hoped that Spock felt even just a fraction of the pain Jim had for the past sixteen months.

Spock stared at Jim in silence for a moment, looking as if he wanted to speak, but he turned to the door. He looked back at the book he had given Jim, sitting on the table. “It is a three year mission, correct?”

”Perhaps, I’ll have changed my mind by the time I get back.” Jim responded coldly, as Spock walked out the door, leaving Jim feeling as empty as his apartment. He swallowed back his tears, grabbing the book and walking back towards his bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

“I recall one day, Dr. McCoy approached me after a mission. And he looked at me and said, ‘you'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know simply because the word love isn't written into your book.’ And that evening when I was meditating, I thought of just how wrong he was. Of course I always knew I had emotions, despite McCoy’s insistance otherwise, but his description of love spoke to me. 

Jim with you I felt both ecstasies and miseries beyond any I had ever felt. When I thought you had died, only to discover you’re survival. All the times you were lost, only to be found again. I did break rules for you Jim. I’ve done things I never would have done otherwise because you asked it. Failures and victories, we’ve seen them both together, have we not, Jim? I suppose the only thing missing would be the desperate chances. That’s what this is, Jim. These are my personal logs from the past 16.78 months. I am desperate, Jim. And I am sorry for the pain I’ve put you through.” 

Jim read over the note three times to be sure he read it alright. Desperate didn’t fit Spock. But the rest of his description…it fit Bones’ apparent definition of love. He had two more days before he was set to leave. Perhaps Spock hoped he’d listen to all the tapes and come running before he left. But Jim didn’t want to go running. Spock needed to know some of the miseries Jim had experienced.

But Jim could listen to one or two of the logs. He picked up the chip that was in the envelope and downloaded it onto his datapadd. He pulled up the oldest recording. His memory wasn’t as good as Spock’s but he recognized that date. It was an hour after he had spoken to Spock. Jim sat down on the couch, pressing play.

There was a long pause after Spock gave the stardate. “It…has been some time since I last did this. Normally meditation soothes my mind and helps me find solutions to any issues troubling me. But this is different. So I find myself reverting to a habit my mother taught me. Sometimes when an issue is particularly difficult, it is necessary to ‘talk it out,’ as she would say. I…find myself at a loss.” 

His voice grew quieter, then louder, and Jim knew Spock must have been pacing. He could practically see him. A finger raised to his lips, an eyebrow furrowed in concentration. Jim felt his heart ache. 

“The Captain…Jim,” Spock said the name in a sigh, almost reverently. The emotion only allowed to be shown in private. “He came to tell me that he is in love with me.” His voice wasn’t the steady one Jim was used to, he found himself desiring to be there to steady Spock. They had always been better together than alone. Spock took a breath. 

“I have acknowledged my own feelings towards Jim and accepted that they are and always shall be unrequited. And yet…” The volume of his voice was steady once again, suggesting he had stopped pacing. “I am…apprehensive of beginning a relationship with Jim. No matter my desire, I believe this is not wise. I wish to remain his friend, but I am uncertain that my will will remain strong. Perhaps it is best that I wait until these feelings, mine or his own, begin to fade.” 

Jim scowled. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this Spock?” He demanded, despite knowing Spock wasn’t there and couldn’t here him. “Let us make the decision together instead of you thinking you know what’s best?” Jim paused. He pressed a few buttons on his datapadd until he got to where he kept his own personal logs. 

He pressed record. “Mr. Spock, since you prefer to commune with logs, that is what I shall do as well. I have listened to your first log, and quite frankly I’m upset. You took the right to choose out of my hands, Mr. Spock. You decided you knew what was best and left me without any real information as to what the hell was going on. It wasn’t fair.” He cut off the recording, going back to where Spock’s logs were all listed. 

Jim let out a sigh, pressing play on the next recording. Spock’s soothing baritone just worked to frustrate him now. “It has been a week since the Captain’s confession. And I still find myself dissatisfied with the solution I decided upon. Jim has sent me roughly ten texts, inquiring after my health, and whether or not I hate him. He has also sent me three voice messages that convey the same worry.” 

Spock let out a breath, it was almost a sigh. “Of course I do not hate Jim. I don’t think I could ever hate him. Even if he was mistaken in declaring his feelings. Even if it was a moment of lust. Even if he ended up hurting me, I do not think I could ever hate Jim. I love him most desperately. Which is why I know I must stay away. For both of our sakes. It was a moment of passion. Jim…Jim does not seem to understand the commitment that a relationship with a Vulcan. There would be, could be no others. Our minds have already formed a shallow bond, if ever we were to consummate our relationship…” 

Spock took in a shaky breath. “I believe I am doing the right thing.” 

Jim could do nothing but shake his head. He pressed record. “You’ve never seen me in a committed relationship, Mr. Spock. Of course, captaining a Starship doesn’t much allow committed relationships. But Spock, I told you, I had been in love with you for three years. Had I slept with people? Yes, but you know why? I thought I could never have you. Every time I imagined it was you. Had we ‘consummated our relationship,’ you’re right there would be, could be no other, because I would want no other. You are the one that haunts my every dream. No other, Spock.” Jim let out a breath, frustration rising. “You did not make the right decision.” Jim stopped recording.

He dropped the datapadd on the table, rising from his seat. “Computer, send a message to Bones and Scotty. Tell them I need a drink and if they care to join me, I’ll be at Orion’s Belt.” 

* * *

Jim didn’t listen to anymore until he was back on his ship. It felt right. It felt good to be back in the captain’s seat where he belonged. Until he glanced at the science station and instead of seeing Spock he saw Lieutenant Dennin. Or when a situation warranted him to call on his first officer, and he saw Commander Decker. Jim couldn’t stop himself from listening to more after his first shift. 

”It has been a month since I last spoke to Jim. He has stopped his attempts at communications and I find myself…lonely.” Spock paused. “I don’t think I ever really felt lonely before I met Jim. Perhaps I had gotten used to it. But with Jim near, I never had a reason to be lonely. I was not a fascination, not tainted, not a hobgoblin or any other vague insult McCoy could come up with. I was allowed to exist. Exactly as I was.” Spock did not speak for another long moment, Jim almost thought the recording was done. “Perhaps I should speak to Lieutenant Uhura. She has been amicable towards me, and she is not as close to Jim as Dr. McCoy.” 

The night, Jim couldn’t help himself but listen to several of the recordings. He missed Spock. 

“It has been six weeks since I left the Enterprise. I have moved into the apartment provided by the academy for me to live in. It is much more spacious than my quarters were on the Enterprise. There is too much room. As I arrived, the thought occurred that there should be someone else with me. I still find myself lonely, despite my continued acquaintance with crewmen of the Enterprise.” Spock paused, seemingly searching for words. “I…desire Jim’s company. I miss him.” After another short moment of silence, Spock spoke again. “Soon I shall begin teaching. That should keep Jim out of my thoughts.”

Jim pressed record. “I…I miss you too Spock. But you have to realize. I need you to know that you were wrong, Spock. You didn’t tell me you had decided to stop talking to me. That was a decision that I should have been informed of.” Jim let out a soft laugh. “Though I suppose you did have a bit of a mutinous streak in you. You’d always say it was pure logic, but I know better, Spock.” Jim let out a sigh. “Goodnight, Spock.” He ended the recording.

* * *

Spock was willing to wait. Of course he had to be. He had forced Jim to wait, he had been prepared for Jim to seek revenge, in the form of 16.78 months. Yet Spock couldn’t stop himself from worrying. He had maintained communications with Uhura, and so he knew the basics of what happened on the ship.

About three months into the Enterprise’s, Uhura received a message from her personal comm while in the rec room. She let out a sigh as the words appeared on the screen before her. 

”Nyota, may I request a favor?” Spock asked. 

Uhura wasted no time crafting her response. “If it’s about the Captain, you know my answer is no.” That was one of the few constants in their conversations. 

“Will you please just make sure he’s alright?” Spock responded. 

”Message him yourself.” Nyota messaged. 

She knew what his response would be, even before he sent it. “You know it is not that simple.” 

Uhura sighed, lifting her eyes and searching the room. Sure enough, Jim was sitting at a table playing cards with McCoy and Scotty. She stood from her seat and approached the men. “Excuse me, Captain, may I ask you a question that may seem a bit strange?” 

”Um, I suppose so Uhura, so long as it isn’t…too strange.” Jim responded, a bit confused by the request. 

”How are you doing, really?” Uhura asked, scrutinizing his face, looking for any sign of distress. There was none, just more confusion. 

“I’m…fine. Can’t complain.” Jim said honestly. “Why the sudden concern?” 

”No offense, Captain, but it’s not really mine.” She shrugged. “Your Vulcan is driving me a bit insane.” 

Jim stiffened instantly. “My…Vulcan?” He repeated, his gaze immediately lowering. 

”He’s worried about you, Jim.” Uhura said. 

”And why doesn’t he ask after me himself?” Jim asked, trying to sound indignant. 

”I think you know why, sir.” Uhura rolled her eyes, walking back to her previous place, sending a message to Spock as she went. 

”What was that all about, Jim?” McCoy asked with a suspicious look on his face. 

Jim cleared his throat, looking down at the cards in his hands. “Three days before we left, Spock showed up at my apartment to tell me he loves me.” Jim said, his voice low, his head bowed slightly in embarrassment. 

”What?” Scotty asked in astonishment. “Then why the hell isn't he with us now?” 

After a moment of Jim staying silent, McCoy shook his head. “Jim, you didn’t…” 

”I’m still upset with him.” Jim responded, looking away. “You don’t understand.” 

”You’re right.” Bones said with a frown on his face. “I don’t. If someone went against their basic beliefs for me-“ 

”He had already realized he had feelings for me.” Jim snapped, his voice a harsh whisper. “He had known since before I confessed and said it wasn’t important. That it was for the best that we didn’t see each other, and not just that we didn’t date, but that we didn’t see each other at all.” Jim put his cards on the table. “I’m done playing.” He stood, making a hasty exit and going to his quarters. 

Jim let out a deep sigh as he entered his room. He sat down on his bed and yanked off his shoes, throwing them at the wall as he fell backwards. “Computer, start recording, personal log. Spock, Uhura called you my Vulcan today. Said you’re driving her crazy because you’re worried about me. I know I’m in a more dangerous situation now, but…maybe if you had worried about me before we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Jim scoffed. “My Vulcan. What a load of bullshit.” He turned off the recording. 

”Computer, play Spock’s next log.” Jim got up briefly, changing into a pair of old sweatpants as Spock’s low voice spoke in the background. He replicated a glass of water, placing it beside his bed, before he got under the covers. “Goodnight, Spock.” He whispered. 

* * *

“I know Jim will not be happy with me. But I have to say goodbye. Serving on a Starship is dangerous, and while of course, I have the utmost confidence in Jim…I do not know what may happen. I must…apologize, I must tell him. Before I do not have the chance anymore.” 

It was a year before Jim finished the last recording. “Computer, record personal log.” He commanded, standing and pacing about his quarters. “Spock, I still don’t quite forgive you. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive you.” Jim took a deep breath. “But dammit, Spock, I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, it almost hurts. I’m almost ready for you to start trying to explain yourself in person again. Or rather over video call. Whenever you finish these logs, or in about 4.78 months. Whichever comes last. Prepare to grovel and beg forgiveness, Mr. Spock.” Jim joked. “I’ll talk to you soon.” 

Spock was surprised when he received a message from Jim. He was even more surprised when he found personal logs attached to it. Though his lips quirked upwards as he realized these were all Jim’s responses to his logs. A sort of small gift, in place of an actual conversation. Spock would cherish it. 

* * *

Precisely 4.78 months later, Jim and Spock set up a video call once they were both finished with work. 

”Spock.” Jim said, a smile he was trying to hide, easily slipping through his control. 

”Jim.” Spock returned, less affected to a casual viewer, but Jim knew better. 

”So?” Jim tried to tease, trying to keep any tears held back. “Are you ready to grovel and beg for my forgiveness?” He asked, a hesitant laugh on his lips. 

”Vulcans do not grovel, not do we beg.” Spock said slowly. “But I will do anything, for you.” His voice broke, quiet enough that Jim almost didn’t hear it. 

But he did, and Jim broke down too. “Spock, why didn’t you talk to me?” He asked, sounding so hurt that it hurt Spock to hear him. 

”I thought…” Spock let out a breath. “I thought we would hurt each other.” 

”And we did.” Jim let out a sad sort of laugh. “Spock, you could’ve told me what you were thinking.” 

”I know. I was illogical.” Spock looked down. “Jim, I am truly sorry.” 

”I know.” Jim looked down. “I still don’t know if I fully forgive you.” 

”I understand.” 

”But I love you.” Jim said softly. “More than anything else.” 

”And I you.” Spock answered quickly. 

Jim let out another snort of laughter, wiping unshed tears from the corners of his eyes. “You know, there was another doppelgänger situation on board a few weeks back, and you know how they figured out which one was the real me?” 

”How, Jim?” 

”Bones asked us, what the most important thing to us was. The doppelgänger said it was my ship. I don’t know where it came from, but I said you.” He chuckled softly. 

”Jim, I am truly honored.” Spock lifted his hand to the screen. 

Jim matched the movement. After a moment, they both moved and Jim looked away. “Tell me about you, your classes, your students. Just…talk.” 

And they did, for hours until Spock insisted Jim go to bed. Jim was happy that he talked to Spock again, but the ache in his chest seemed to grow a bit sharper. He had his Spock, but he couldn’t touch him. He was light years away and they wouldn’t be on the same planet for another year and a half. 

* * *

They spoke as often as they could. And when they couldn’t speak over the video phone, they texted. It wasn’t easy, but it was better than any alternative. Until the Enterprise crew arrived back on Earth, their three year mission over.

There was a crowd waiting for their shuttle to dock, some Starfleet employees, some families, some paparazzi. Jim’s eyes scoured the crowds, looking for him, even though he knew Spock had classes and had said he wasn’t likely to make it. A small part of Jim still hoped perhaps he’d come. 

Jim walked down the gang plank of the shuttle, alongside Commander Decker and Scotty. He waved at the crowds and when they were on the ground he found himself swarmed by people. He found he never got used to all the attention he received. He didn’t need it. But he smiled, answering questions and posing for pictures, because what else was he going to do? 

”Jim!” The familiar voice called out through the crowd and Jim’s head snapped in its direction. He took off, not caring that he hadn’t excused himself, not caring who saw. Spock didn’t seem to care either. They locked eyes and ran towards each other. Jim wasn’t going to initiate any contact, he knew how Vulcans disliked PDA, but when Spock arrived in front of him, he wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist, lifting him with the momentum of the hug. 

”Spock.” Jim laughed, tears brimming at the edge of his eyes. “It’s you.” 

“Jim.” Spock repeated, putting Jim back on the ground, his hands coming to his cheeks. “Jim.” His voice was reverent, as if Jim’s name was the most holy word in all the universe. 

”I…I missed you, Spock.” Jim said softly, putting his hands over Spock’s and laughing as Spock began to wipe his tears away. “I can’t believe how stupid we’ve been.” 

”It doesn’t matter.” Spock assured him, with a soft voice. “We’re together now.” He presses their foreheads together. “And we shall be, as long as you’ll have me.” 

Jim squeezed the hands on his face. “Forever and always.” He murmurred. 

Spock leaned down and closed the short distance between their lips. All their emotion, all the frustration and hurt feelings were released like doves with the simple kiss. Neither of them could believe they had waited so long, but it felt so good, they almost didn’t mind. 

They pulled apart after a moment, and Jim looked up at Spock. “I thought you had classes.” 

”You were more important.” Spock responded. He glanced over his shoulder. “However, it seems some of my students may have followed me.” 

”Get it, Professor!” One of the students called from behind. 

Spock’s hands left Jim’s face, as he turned around. “Mr. Kelly, I will assign you another paper on Vulcan plant life, if you make another such comment.” He threatened. 

Jim laughed. “Yes, Spock, it seems we’ve made a bit of a scene.” He glanced around at photographers, that had been scrambling to get pictures of the reunion. “If any of those turn out well, be sure to send them to me.” He called out to the photographers. 

“Nice to see you again, Mr. Spock.” Bones said dryly. “And May I just say, it’s about fucking time.” 

“I do hope you still plan on keeping in touch, Mr. Spock.” Uhura smiled, coming to stand by Bones’ side. 

”Of course.” Spock nodded. He glanced at Jim, offering him two fingers. “But for now, I believe Jim and I have some…catching up to do.” 

Jim smiled, accepting the Vulcan kiss, and planting a human one on Spock’s cheek. “We do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay y’all called my bluff. Although I guess not really a bluff cause I didn’t plan on having another chapter. But anyways, happy ending :D  
> Hope y’all enjoyed (despite the pain) and if you did let me know!
> 
> [EDIT] Just remembered! I have a Star Trek blog now! If u wanna see me make dumb memes and work through the series then u can find me at spocksgotemotions

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooo yeah. I’m usually not one for angst, but I got like the idea stuck in my head. If people request more, I am not opposed to the idea, I have ideas for how to resolve it, but for right now I just like leaving it here.
> 
> hope I made you sad, cause I got like real sad when writing this. If I made u sad, or you’re a sadistic bastard that enjoyed this, let me know with kudos or a comment (or both)


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